Beautiful Scars

HAS THE SOCIETY FAILED, IF NOT THEN WHO?
Months ago my campus friend and I decided to dig into the topic, who has failed? Considering so many youths in campus are living a life that can not be described by a parent it just doesn’t add up who is to be blamed. I remember hearing of a comment from a certain guy “There is a deadline for blaming parents” . In Beautiful Scars we deal with girls who got pregnant at a young age. Several times I have heard people question themselves why I would be interested in young mothers, girls who decided to go away from teachings. Girls who have chosen sex before marriage and wow!😀 Clearly from this, the society puts the blame on the girl.

Then I get to ask myself questions like, did the girl get herself pregnant? Does early pregnancy symbolize permanent failure? Has the girl lost it all? Can’t there be a second chance? Or maybe what everyone needs to ask themselves is this, She got pregnant, what next? What role can I play?Maybe it’s because there are so many women left to raise their children alone, or maybe it’s because there just haven’t been enough men teaching our boys how to be true men. These are just my thoughts.
I know these are the times you say to yourself, when I get a son I’ll teach him about being a man, I’ll let him that he should always take responsibility, right?
Think of it this way, you get a girl instead she grows up and ends up dating a boy who was raised by a young mother.( I know you’re probably reading this and wishing I don’t go there)

Allow me to call a spade a spade and not a big spoon baby, If your daughter gets pregnant who’s gonna be blamed? The boy who wasn’t taught how to love because the mom was raised with so much bitterness after bearing him? Or your daughter whose only mistake was to fall in love?
I was going through some research and I saw that approximately 6/10 of the girls today are going to be single mothers, this really disturbed me . That makes it 60% of the kids in the coming generation. Where is all this heading to?

Because we have now seen our patterns and subconscious beliefs come to life, we must decide what we will carry forward and what we will not.

Who has neglected their role really?
The girl who got pregnant has been subjected to shame, she has not been listened and I wonder what happened to second chances? Don’t they apply here anymore?? This takes me to “As they stood there asking him questions, he straightened himself up and said to them, “Whichever one of you has committed no sin may throw the first stone at her.”
John 8:7 GNB
🌻✨

These are my two cents, a broken mwiko can still finish up cooking ugali; it’s not as useless. Dimming young mothers does not make the pretty girls who aborted saints, the society needs to wake up, we all need to. Let’s help people heal these wounds. The society to overcome the shame they feel, and the girls to start a fresh✨.

He held her hands tightly,in a gentle yet rough way.
She was confused the looks were of a familiar person but the way he held her was so strange and new.
He took glances at her growing tiny titties,he praised them and sucked them, once …twice…thrice…over and over again.

He then continued down her private parts.”stop …stooop..mama said i shouldn’t unwrap the gift yet….” full of tears…naive…on top of her voice..alas!… In vain he had clothes stuffed in her mouth.
He took the upper hand… slightly forced his big man into her tiny entrance…for help she called😭bitterly..confused… screaming..she couldn’t..she couldn’t continue…
He pumped..smiling evilly..up and down..up and down..up and smiled…and down..by now she didn’t know what was happening.

Her body wasn’t hers anymore.. ..so that is what is called sex?
“You are the sweetest little thing I’ve ever tasted,I wish I could have this more and more soon” ,he replied
“If you dare mention anything to anyone ,that will be the last day you ever see light”, he added.
Broken, ugly,in tears,she watched him as he dressed and the ordered,” hurry up ,I need to get you some chocolates, I’m your Favourite uncle, Remember?”
And yes she remembered,she had forgotten… totally forgotten.

Thats when her world shuttered into a million pieces never to be whole again
Her innocence stolen
Like she didn’t have a right to it
No one was supposed to know so she tried to smile and act like all was fine was this what family was all about ?? Is that what uncles were supposed to do?
She laid down every night on her bed confused …bitter….terrified and if wall could talk they would probably tell her inner secrets that crept in her minds
Her pillow too would tell the tales of her endless cries
And yes she was expected to act totally normal😭✍🏿

Looking back, down the memory lane, I realize it hasn’t been a rollercoaster and despite the Easter, given the pen I’d have painted a catchy picture, these are just my thoughts. For the best of part of my childhood I grew reading and reading the bible and trust me I think I know what I would and not include in this story. The old and young I’m sure we all would paint a picture worth staring, we all would write a story worth reading, that’s when we say catchy meets interest. A picture of beauty in it.
Earlier I remember reading the story of the widow of Zarephath and despite my sinfulness I’d never choose to write a story that resembled that, I’d choose dependence over independence, I wouldn’t choose scarcity over abundance,I would choose joy over sorrow. But do we always get a chance to choose what we always want? This is the question of my heart.
I would not choose such a story because deep down I’d rather depend on myself than on God, Though I’d want to trust in him with all my heart trusting him in the dark can be frightening, I’d rather praise him daily for abundant provision than depend on him daily to meet my needs. Thinking deep, it’s wonderful to have great health and boundless energy. But being ill and relying on others for assistance may drive us to our knees, quicker and longer, each day.
It’s a joy to have a house full of loving, obedient children. But crying out to God because of infertility or wayward kids may draw us into a deeper relationship with him. That’s because dependence is always better than self-sufficiency in the kingdom of God. Self-sufficiency leads to pride and selfishness, while dependence leads to humility and intimacy with the Lord. Dependence yields good fruit in our lives
I can’t say this is how I expected my life to turn out someday,like every other girl I had a wedding dress of my someday to come wedding, I had a drawn out dream, I wanted to get done with my studies, go to the University and graduate finally….the joy of seeing people celebrate my success just gave me chills.. I wanted to fall in love with the man of life like how I see it in movies…like how I read in novels…then give my life to him…love him forever…grow old together….and maybe live happily ever after. I couldn’t stop thinking of how I would walk down the aisle and how I would say yes to my other half. That was my dream; it’s obviously every mothers dream for her kids. But little did I know that life would take another turn. On the night I got pregnant all these drained…I watched it drain in water…go in vain…I knew nothing would go back like I had planned it….given a pen id write the story of my dream. He took the pen and made it a scar story. He put all the pain in it, all the struggle, the hurt but most of all he put all the victory in it. He let his glory be manifested.

Some people walk with their scars open, while others hide them to avoid humiliation, where to others they are jagged pains of the past…for some it is strength, when to others they feel defined ugly…i see scars as marks of reverting identity…when Christ came rose he could have chosen to be perfect: I mean ain’t his dad a God of perfection? but he chose to keep his scars so that people would believe him….he chose to keep his scars as a proof of what he had conquered …he wore this scars as a badge of honor….scars are a sign of identity…scars define strength.

Let alone the suffering that we get …for his son: there are marks of death that God chose to never erase in Jesus’ body …he understands the feeling of carrying the scars of wounds once suffered, wounds we never want to be reminded, wounds we wish to bury for as long as we can…wounds we wish no one knew about…and at times we wish we could just go to new places where no one has an idea of how it has been for us…and yes …it’s okay not to be okay.

For so long I felt like I was an alien in my own body… I felt ugly with every stare I got…the glances I saw judgement …their eyes were painted disgust…patterns I could not even try to figure out…I was very much afraid of meeting myself from another person’s point of view. I wanted to keep all these to myself…then something stirred up in me…slowly I stopped paying attention to these lies I had brought myself to believe…I learnt that it was by this marks I was recognized, that these scars showed just how much I have to had to overcome…that I have been saved from intense pain that I wish to testify of…by the definition…a scar is a mark of a healed wound…hence physical perfection is not my goal and a glorious life is worth more valuable…i noticed scars more when I looked around…there was something about these people who showed their scars…so unafraid to be themselves ,unmasked, courageous about the scars that shaped them…their vulnerability was magnetic that drew me closer to them…I yearned to hear about their self-acceptance, to hear their stories and see the courage they possess.

To learn people I have then remembered to ask them about their scars and hear of what defines them…to come into terms with what has shaped them, because I believe every scar has a story. When we show out our scars to the world we inspire others to do that. We should therefore wear these scars as badges, and who knows…we may find beauty in these scars we carry.

Even when we have done our best to hide our scars, sometimes they are rubbed to our face by people that are too broken to care, who knows maybe they are also going through such….we break down mercilessly because it actually feels like some flesh has been peeled off our old wounds leaving us bloody and raw again.

Looking back into my past to settle down with the events…I wrote down my thoughts, and emotions came filling my mind, long-buried memories came rushing, taking position in my brain once again…this was in an effort to visit my past and at least sort my emotions. With every writing the lies I made myself believe held less power over me.

I found a life in prayer, it was really beautiful realizing that I had a listening ear…I found out that I wasn’t defined by what people say or see but by who I am in him who called me. God told me that in all these he gave me grace to endure and I felt how he was using my story for his glory.

As much as it has been said, don’t question God, I’d say don’t question his ability; say God if you really are then show me. I remember how much I’d always cry to God because I wanted my issue solved, I wanted answers. With years he walked with me, showed me how to focus on the purpose rather than who is at fault.

He is a God who knew us before the foundations of the world and he therefore calls us uniquely, based solely on his grace.

I’m forced to think that you must be handsome because my circle so full of fine people😋
I want to understand that you are a man after God’s very own heart because Eve found Adam in his territory✨ just but a few things I’d like to let you know for how good it is for two souls that understand the same language⚡you will be very blessed to have me be assured because I’m confident and I believe God gives the best of things to his people.. And he let’s people with good intentions to meet people with good intentions. Not to say anything is gonna change.. But see this has already been planned by God🙏🏾

I don’t know if we going to meet in a church or in a library because I’m made of books or in a serene place both in search of solitude⚡ but I know either way its gonna happen and when it does ..I hope we realize that we both meant for each other.I hope we build an empire that surpasses all that came before us..I hope we won’t stand a comparison. As we both await for that time let’s focus on the right things so that being single doesn’t feel wrong for any of us〽

But wait… First of all,,there is a man that came before you,a man that loved me before you, he is a part of my soul that stays outside my body but we are still one and we are a packaged deal⚡ he knows so much about me and I want you to understand that his love
for me stands no comparison because loving him is loving myself. He knows so much about me,and he knows how my heart beats from inside✨ he is the reason I’m writing this because he taught me that life,life is meant for us to live and be happy. But we could create heavens down here✨

And while most may have a perception of bad things about me loving him this much,I hope you don’t be among the most…I hope you follow your heart..I hope I become the reason you believe that scars can be beautiful. That he will be an example of a wound that changed a soul,healed and became beautiful✨I hope that he be won’t be your reason for not a walking with me down the isle but even a better reason for you to say yes to two people.. To a woman you have loved from your heart and to a son that changed her and became her beautiful scar⚡I hope you will be willing for us to now continue writing this book that I started alone✍🏾

While this book may have more chapters, I hope you hold this pen when I can’t… I pray that we start more episodes and later release a movie..based on reality😋 while these maybe my dreams…I hope that they are yours too that we may be complete. In my heart there are parts that haven’t been explored because they all left after seeing the scars and didn’t know what was inside. Most people are afraid of broken.. They see broken and run…but I hope for you scars will mean lessons..scars will mean beautiful.. Scars will mean war fought..scars will mean a survived life☺
I hope we embrace this life I have lived✨

I’m beautiful I won’t need affirmation for that..I have scars that are beautiful I also won’t need affirmation for that too..but I will need affirmation that we can be the only ones who live a scar life story〽

Yours
The Illimitable✍🏾

I hope we find each other sooner

For the days we spent and the moments we shared,For the memories we created that were meant to last. For the bond so strong we meant to make it never end. We ate and laughed and loved each day

You opened the voids that you thought I should see. Took me through all the ripples to see. Took me as your own,treated me as your being. We were friends to last ,friends to keep. They all envied us but none enough to break us.

We traveled ,adventured,discovered together. Everyone knew that we became as Bonnie and Clyde. I wasn’t afraid that one day you would leave because we shared a soul. It was more than friends and not even sisters. Too attached to detach

So girl the pinky promises were locked in the hearts. Surging forward with all the assurance. I felt like all had been said and all had been done. They all wanted our secret,they all admired,they all envied and wished they could be us

But, today, here I burn in the fires of hell. Here I am feeling the pain of things left unsaid. Here I am as you smile in paradise and watch me regret painted all over your face. This one guy that you never mentioned to me

Here I am as I wonder if this is what you so much waited for .If this is what you yearned for. This man Jesus, you never told me about. You didn’t even mention my name to him.

I blame,I blame you. I blame you for never trying. For letting me get lost while you knew the way. For keeping it to yourself,if only you mentioned his name to me..I bet neither of us would be stranded today.. But no,I blame me more. I blame myself for accepting things left unsaid. For growing comfortable with incomplete words. For standing short talks. For growing so blind to realize the dots and join them.

Because nothing can be done now. I made my bed let me lie on it. I waited for the waters so I’d rather be patient with them. For poured waters can not be collected. For closed doors that I have no keys to.

Last night my sadness woke me up and I sobbed uncontrollably. The world was sleeping so I turned to the Lord for a conversation.

I feel like I’m getting my life together,God,except for these holes.

The losses I have had left holes in me and now my life keeps seeping out of the holes.

I’ve tried filling the holes with all kinda things busyness,food,songs, writing, sympathy, love….

But nothing works I still have these holes.

And the grief from past memories enveloped me again and I sat rocking myself, holding myself, trying to give comfort to my pain

Wanting to gain understanding,this pain sure hurts,Lord and as early morning came …I heard him softly call my name…with nail-scarred hands outstretched to me

He said tenderly, I have holes too,and then I knew He Understood As No One Could

There are people who have torn you down,who have hurt and broken your heart,who have broken your past. But look carefully there are some people who have loved you, who trust and are proud of you. Yeah, there were things that did not work. There were moments when life was really harsh on you but think carefully, there were moments when things worked out your way. There were times when you lived in the moment. When you were smiling, when life was pleasant. Yes, you made mistakes, you felt bad for yourself,.But think carefully, there were moments when you were proud o yourself, when you did what you wanted to do,so RELAX,,… Your past is now gone and you’ve got a future. It was a lesson not a life sentence. Life is never the way it seems. You ain’t perfect, no one is. You gat flaws,everyone has. You can try again. Don’t be so harsh on yourself

https://beautifulscarshome.wordpress.com

At the sunrise of a friendship we all hope that it turns out alright and the fact of separation is always a myth to our ears. We become very optimistic in life that we end up planning our lives based on forever.

We make promises both real and unreal and love is always at the peak indeed departure is never in our minds. We actually think of each other as angels. As the sweet sun gets hotter and the dawn turns to noon,the cord is always too hot to keep holding. It becomes too hard to remain in the circle. We end up using big words for love and those are synonyms that are deep secrets to the blinded hearts by love. Troubles and difficulties reach us and we definitely know that as long as we are together we gonna come out safe.

Little do we get to understand that everyone for himself and God for us all. Though we get the help we will always be blamed for our small mistakes. For fear of failure that led us to making decisions that were wrong. Dependence on them made you think you were never right and that you had to be with them for you to be right. Because you’re really desperate for help, you end up understanding their quest for such. Dusk approaches when finally they let go off your hand where they dug your grave. It’s always up to you to try grab on the sides, grasp to the small holes to save your life. The same old feeling makes you feel so helpless and in the end its up to you to be strong.

They become merciless, they walk out of you because you thought you couldn’t make it on your own unless they held your hand to say you’d be okay. How can all be right when they are what is wrong with you?? This lingers in your mind for once. You feel greatly betrayed when they turn against you. You will want to call them back but you should know that it’s their decision to walk away. You settled for less than you deserved!!…. And maybe.. Just maybe God is protecting you from them… That is their decision to walk away.

They went numb; you didn’t, they gave up; not you, they have a problem, not you. Though it will will take you time to put back the soil to the grave they dug for you, you will better for your life. You will come out stronger and independent. They may want to push you back but it will be up to your conscience. The betrayal circle. How the betrayal events are summed up in one day. From dawn to dusk,it is by what we choose. Surely, not all that glitters is gold.

Not how many you can count but how you can count on, not the number of the stars but the brightness each offers, not the length of the arm but what it gives. You will want to get mad at them; BUT DON’T…they have taught you you how to be independent, they have shown you what not to carry ahead, they have opened your eyes to see that all that long you had been chasing the wrong horse or rather riding the wrong donkey.

Be grateful, they will live with the guilt of having wasted part of you thinking they messed you up wholly. Friendship isn’t what we always expect.

It could be a snake that bites, do you see it and make no move??!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton