Beautiful Scars

Leaving the 99 to find the one sounds hilarious until you are the one, he who carries his own water knows the weight; too much sense in one sentence huh?
In my life I had have so many things to disagree with but today I’m forced to get another point of view. This question i have asked myself for so long but it didn’t matter until I realized it would affect me like it does everyone. Am I agreeing because it will favour me or because I know I wouldn’t want that for anyone let alone myself?. Tough, right?

How many times have topics arised and you didn’t bother because it didn’t look like your cup of tea? I’m not a mother of a daughter but I know how I would feel if my son was a daughter and was defiled by a pedophile or got pregnant at a young age, or was depressed because she aborted and I wasn’t close to walk with her through that, I’d go crazy. I mean seriously I have an option of acting like the alarming rise in the number of teenage pregnancies doesn’t bother me, but hey I’m tender towards these parents. Having been in the same space, I’m tender towards the girls. It does bother me more than it should. How can I sleep knowing that I have a role to play in all these? Knowing that hope is being lost out there? Knowing that I was once there and the world wasn’t kind a bit to me but I managed? Knowing that a girl could use what I have to share? Knowing that I’m now in the space of a mother and I have the capacity to share what I would have done with my younger self if I was my own mother? Knowing that while I was in that space I left words unsaid and now I don’t expect these girls to speak out but I can share that now and cut the girls some slack?

George Washington Carver~ No individual has any right to come into this world and go out of it without leaving behind him (or her) distinct and legitimate reasons for having passed through it!”

Have you ever thought about the needless pain we bear? The peace we forfeit? What would you do if you heard there was an answer? Well here, We go through so much pain that we need not to. We worry about so much that we shouldn’t be. The one who created us asks us to take it to him. The reason as to why we suffer when we shouldn’t it’s because we don’t take it to the Lord in prayer. We are worried that it’s impossible to help the girls at the same time as their mothers. That society has long taken the side of the mother in fear that supporting the pregnant girl would be translated as condoning early pregnancies. What has that done if not wounding the mother of tommorow? We can decide to things differently. Beautiful Scars started out as a motivation to embrace scars.

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
James 5:13‭-‬16 NIV🧡

If we stand on God’s word, God will stand by His word. It’s the prayers we pray when we feel like we want to quit praying that can bring the greatest breakthroughs.
Prayer is the way we take our hands off and let God put His hands on. Prayer is the difference between you fighting for God and God fighting for you.

Leaving the 99 to find the one sounds hilarious until you are the one, he who carries his own water knows the weight; too much sense in one sentence huh?
In my life I had have so many things to disagree with but today I’m forced to get another point of view. This question i have asked myself for so long but it didn’t matter until I realized it would affect me like it does everyone. Am I agreeing because it will favour me or because I know I would want that for anyone let alone myself?. Tough, right?
How many times have topics arised and you didn’t bother because it didn’t look like your cup of tea? I’m not a mother of a daughter but I know how I would feel if my son was a daughter and was defiled by a pedophile or got pregnant at a young age, or was depressed because she aborted and I wasn’t close to walk with her through that, I’d go crazy, I mean seriously I have an option of acting like the alarming rise in the number of teenage pregnancies doesn’t bother me, but hey I’m tender towards these parents. Having been in the same space, I’m tender towards the girls. It does bother me more than it should. How can I sleep knowing that I have a role to play in all these? Knowing that hope is being lost out there? Knowing that I was once there and the world wasn’t kind a bit to me but I managed? Knowing that a girl could use what I have to share? Knowing that I’m now in the space of a mother and I have the capacity to share what I would have done with my younger self if I was my own mother? Knowing that while I was in that space I left words unsaid and now I don’t expect these girls to speak out but I can share that now and cut the girls some slack?
I’ll quote George Washington Carver,  “No individual has any right to come into this world and go out of it without leaving behind him (or her) distinct and legitimate reasons for having passed through it!”

Dear God,

I am naked before you,I understand that you are omnipotent, omniscient and so this is not me questioning your ability,this is me seeking answers for questions too disturbing in my life.

See,I remember how good it looked like at first or rather let me use the word “Easy”.Yes it seemed easy and ofcourse possible,I thought it was going to be a walk in a park,I thought all troubles,doubt,untrust and sorrow was now over;I don’t know if I was wrong but I don’t understand.

I felt like I had healed,like it was finally over,we talked ,I smiled,I felt the ease ,I was unburdened by you😭and I enjoyed the freedom that came with you listening to me ,with you talking to me…I felt like I now had the father I lacked.This is not to doom the moments we have had together , ofcourse I do treasure them and I yearn for more💕,but before that I wanna know something. Why is it that everytime I thought I healed, everytime I felt like I now had the freedom I seek for,everytime I thought it was all over ,I believed it,you made me believe it,but a single insecurity and it all comes crumbling down at my feet.

Like a building without foundation,like a wall shaken by destroyers,I don’t get it.I crush down worse than before,I feel the pain worse than before, I’m not able to take it.. it’s like I am a sieve…I keep seiving until I can’t take any more solute…I don’t know God..I need answers.

I know that you are for me,I know that you are working for my own good. I know that I’m a chosen generation,but I don’t know what you want from me. What is it God that you want from me,Is it to trust you everytime this happens..that things will get better? That I will get better? Is it to understand that all your works are for my own good? Is it for me to fight my insecurities? Is it to be grateful because there are people going through worse ?Isaiah 41:10, Have you not asked me to remain confident in you? That you will strengthen me and hold me up with your victorious hand?
Remember your promises to your daughter God😭 Remember me Daddy.
Hebrews 13:5 I will never leave you or forsake you💯❤️

Then I heard him hold my hand and reminded me;

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
Isaiah 55:11 NIV
💥✨

Then I felt an everlasting peace in heart and the assurance of a father❤️.

My daughter, you never have to search far for Me. You are released from searching, from believing you don’t have what it takes to be with Me, hear Me, live with Me. You are chosen. I chose you before the world was formed. You are the rescued one, and I delight in being with you. I equip you to hear Me, to be near Me, to walk beside Me.As My daughter, you are My heir, heir to a kingdom where you know, without question, you are home. I am your home. I am the place where you lay your head and where everything makes sense. You don’t need to attempt to make sense of this world swirling around you—but I want you to feel it. I want you to feel for it. I want you to notice how it hurts and where there is need and how you are made, just as you are, chosen to live in this world, knowing it needs to know the way home. You know the way home.

You know the sound of beauty ringing, of hope coming in battle for your heart. You know pain and surrender and wanting more than what you can see.Look close now. See Me. See Me seeing you. See Me looking at this world. Recognize its pain and its ache to know there is more—the more you know. Go deeper with Me now. Let Me show you more of what I see, how I feel, how you are the one who can go forward, brave one, into the path I’ve set aside, just for you. There is a path for you, you know, a place where your feet know where to step and your hands know how to love. You have ideas and a heart designed for loving this person, right here, and this one, right here. The people in your life right now? Look closely now. Listen carefully now. You know how to love them. You know what to do next. Heed the whispers of your heart, the whispers that come from the place you know, the only place you can trust, the place where you began and begin again, the voice of Home.

You are designed for this—this moment, this moment of rescue and hope. I have come for you. Stay home. It is the only way to go out and bring others Home.

Yours,

God❤️

HAS THE SOCIETY FAILED, IF NOT THEN WHO?
Months ago my campus friend and I decided to dig into the topic, who has failed? Considering so many youths in campus are living a life that can not be described by a parent it just doesn’t add up who is to be blamed. I remember hearing of a comment from a certain guy “There is a deadline for blaming parents” . In Beautiful Scars we deal with girls who got pregnant at a young age. Several times I have heard people question themselves why I would be interested in young mothers, girls who decided to go away from teachings. Girls who have chosen sex before marriage and wow!😀 Clearly from this, the society puts the blame on the girl.

Then I get to ask myself questions like, did the girl get herself pregnant? Does early pregnancy symbolize permanent failure? Has the girl lost it all? Can’t there be a second chance? Or maybe what everyone needs to ask themselves is this, She got pregnant, what next? What role can I play?Maybe it’s because there are so many women left to raise their children alone, or maybe it’s because there just haven’t been enough men teaching our boys how to be true men. These are just my thoughts.
I know these are the times you say to yourself, when I get a son I’ll teach him about being a man, I’ll let him that he should always take responsibility, right?
Think of it this way, you get a girl instead she grows up and ends up dating a boy who was raised by a young mother.( I know you’re probably reading this and wishing I don’t go there)

Allow me to call a spade a spade and not a big spoon baby, If your daughter gets pregnant who’s gonna be blamed? The boy who wasn’t taught how to love because the mom was raised with so much bitterness after bearing him? Or your daughter whose only mistake was to fall in love?
I was going through some research and I saw that approximately 6/10 of the girls today are going to be single mothers, this really disturbed me . That makes it 60% of the kids in the coming generation. Where is all this heading to?

Because we have now seen our patterns and subconscious beliefs come to life, we must decide what we will carry forward and what we will not.

Who has neglected their role really?
The girl who got pregnant has been subjected to shame, she has not been listened and I wonder what happened to second chances? Don’t they apply here anymore?? This takes me to “As they stood there asking him questions, he straightened himself up and said to them, “Whichever one of you has committed no sin may throw the first stone at her.”
John 8:7 GNB
🌻✨

These are my two cents, a broken mwiko can still finish up cooking ugali; it’s not as useless. Dimming young mothers does not make the pretty girls who aborted saints, the society needs to wake up, we all need to. Let’s help people heal these wounds. The society to overcome the shame they feel, and the girls to start a fresh✨.

He held her hands tightly,in a gentle yet rough way.
She was confused the looks were of a familiar person but the way he held her was so strange and new.
He took glances at her growing tiny titties,he praised them and sucked them, once …twice…thrice…over and over again.

He then continued down her private parts.”stop …stooop..mama said i shouldn’t unwrap the gift yet….” full of tears…naive…on top of her voice..alas!… In vain he had clothes stuffed in her mouth.
He took the upper hand… slightly forced his big man into her tiny entrance…for help she called😭bitterly..confused… screaming..she couldn’t..she couldn’t continue…
He pumped..smiling evilly..up and down..up and down..up and smiled…and down..by now she didn’t know what was happening.

Her body wasn’t hers anymore.. ..so that is what is called sex?
“You are the sweetest little thing I’ve ever tasted,I wish I could have this more and more soon” ,he replied
“If you dare mention anything to anyone ,that will be the last day you ever see light”, he added.
Broken, ugly,in tears,she watched him as he dressed and the ordered,” hurry up ,I need to get you some chocolates, I’m your Favourite uncle, Remember?”
And yes she remembered,she had forgotten… totally forgotten.

Thats when her world shuttered into a million pieces never to be whole again
Her innocence stolen
Like she didn’t have a right to it
No one was supposed to know so she tried to smile and act like all was fine was this what family was all about ?? Is that what uncles were supposed to do?
She laid down every night on her bed confused …bitter….terrified and if wall could talk they would probably tell her inner secrets that crept in her minds
Her pillow too would tell the tales of her endless cries
And yes she was expected to act totally normal😭✍🏿

Looking back, down the memory lane, I realize it hasn’t been a rollercoaster and despite the Easter, given the pen I’d have painted a catchy picture, these are just my thoughts. For the best of part of my childhood I grew reading and reading the bible and trust me I think I know what I would and not include in this story. The old and young I’m sure we all would paint a picture worth staring, we all would write a story worth reading, that’s when we say catchy meets interest. A picture of beauty in it.
Earlier I remember reading the story of the widow of Zarephath and despite my sinfulness I’d never choose to write a story that resembled that, I’d choose dependence over independence, I wouldn’t choose scarcity over abundance,I would choose joy over sorrow. But do we always get a chance to choose what we always want? This is the question of my heart.
I would not choose such a story because deep down I’d rather depend on myself than on God, Though I’d want to trust in him with all my heart trusting him in the dark can be frightening, I’d rather praise him daily for abundant provision than depend on him daily to meet my needs. Thinking deep, it’s wonderful to have great health and boundless energy. But being ill and relying on others for assistance may drive us to our knees, quicker and longer, each day.
It’s a joy to have a house full of loving, obedient children. But crying out to God because of infertility or wayward kids may draw us into a deeper relationship with him. That’s because dependence is always better than self-sufficiency in the kingdom of God. Self-sufficiency leads to pride and selfishness, while dependence leads to humility and intimacy with the Lord. Dependence yields good fruit in our lives
I can’t say this is how I expected my life to turn out someday,like every other girl I had a wedding dress of my someday to come wedding, I had a drawn out dream, I wanted to get done with my studies, go to the University and graduate finally….the joy of seeing people celebrate my success just gave me chills.. I wanted to fall in love with the man of life like how I see it in movies…like how I read in novels…then give my life to him…love him forever…grow old together….and maybe live happily ever after. I couldn’t stop thinking of how I would walk down the aisle and how I would say yes to my other half. That was my dream; it’s obviously every mothers dream for her kids. But little did I know that life would take another turn. On the night I got pregnant all these drained…I watched it drain in water…go in vain…I knew nothing would go back like I had planned it….given a pen id write the story of my dream. He took the pen and made it a scar story. He put all the pain in it, all the struggle, the hurt but most of all he put all the victory in it. He let his glory be manifested.

Some people walk with their scars open, while others hide them to avoid humiliation, where to others they are jagged pains of the past…for some it is strength, when to others they feel defined ugly…i see scars as marks of reverting identity…when Christ came rose he could have chosen to be perfect: I mean ain’t his dad a God of perfection? but he chose to keep his scars so that people would believe him….he chose to keep his scars as a proof of what he had conquered …he wore this scars as a badge of honor….scars are a sign of identity…scars define strength.

Let alone the suffering that we get …for his son: there are marks of death that God chose to never erase in Jesus’ body …he understands the feeling of carrying the scars of wounds once suffered, wounds we never want to be reminded, wounds we wish to bury for as long as we can…wounds we wish no one knew about…and at times we wish we could just go to new places where no one has an idea of how it has been for us…and yes …it’s okay not to be okay.

For so long I felt like I was an alien in my own body… I felt ugly with every stare I got…the glances I saw judgement …their eyes were painted disgust…patterns I could not even try to figure out…I was very much afraid of meeting myself from another person’s point of view. I wanted to keep all these to myself…then something stirred up in me…slowly I stopped paying attention to these lies I had brought myself to believe…I learnt that it was by this marks I was recognized, that these scars showed just how much I have to had to overcome…that I have been saved from intense pain that I wish to testify of…by the definition…a scar is a mark of a healed wound…hence physical perfection is not my goal and a glorious life is worth more valuable…i noticed scars more when I looked around…there was something about these people who showed their scars…so unafraid to be themselves ,unmasked, courageous about the scars that shaped them…their vulnerability was magnetic that drew me closer to them…I yearned to hear about their self-acceptance, to hear their stories and see the courage they possess.

To learn people I have then remembered to ask them about their scars and hear of what defines them…to come into terms with what has shaped them, because I believe every scar has a story. When we show out our scars to the world we inspire others to do that. We should therefore wear these scars as badges, and who knows…we may find beauty in these scars we carry.

Even when we have done our best to hide our scars, sometimes they are rubbed to our face by people that are too broken to care, who knows maybe they are also going through such….we break down mercilessly because it actually feels like some flesh has been peeled off our old wounds leaving us bloody and raw again.

Looking back into my past to settle down with the events…I wrote down my thoughts, and emotions came filling my mind, long-buried memories came rushing, taking position in my brain once again…this was in an effort to visit my past and at least sort my emotions. With every writing the lies I made myself believe held less power over me.

I found a life in prayer, it was really beautiful realizing that I had a listening ear…I found out that I wasn’t defined by what people say or see but by who I am in him who called me. God told me that in all these he gave me grace to endure and I felt how he was using my story for his glory.

As much as it has been said, don’t question God, I’d say don’t question his ability; say God if you really are then show me. I remember how much I’d always cry to God because I wanted my issue solved, I wanted answers. With years he walked with me, showed me how to focus on the purpose rather than who is at fault.

He is a God who knew us before the foundations of the world and he therefore calls us uniquely, based solely on his grace.

I’m forced to think that you must be handsome because my circle so full of fine people😋
I want to understand that you are a man after God’s very own heart because Eve found Adam in his territory✨ just but a few things I’d like to let you know for how good it is for two souls that understand the same language⚡you will be very blessed to have me be assured because I’m confident and I believe God gives the best of things to his people.. And he let’s people with good intentions to meet people with good intentions. Not to say anything is gonna change.. But see this has already been planned by God🙏🏾

I don’t know if we going to meet in a church or in a library because I’m made of books or in a serene place both in search of solitude⚡ but I know either way its gonna happen and when it does ..I hope we realize that we both meant for each other.I hope we build an empire that surpasses all that came before us..I hope we won’t stand a comparison. As we both await for that time let’s focus on the right things so that being single doesn’t feel wrong for any of us〽

But wait… First of all,,there is a man that came before you,a man that loved me before you, he is a part of my soul that stays outside my body but we are still one and we are a packaged deal⚡ he knows so much about me and I want you to understand that his love
for me stands no comparison because loving him is loving myself. He knows so much about me,and he knows how my heart beats from inside✨ he is the reason I’m writing this because he taught me that life,life is meant for us to live and be happy. But we could create heavens down here✨

And while most may have a perception of bad things about me loving him this much,I hope you don’t be among the most…I hope you follow your heart..I hope I become the reason you believe that scars can be beautiful. That he will be an example of a wound that changed a soul,healed and became beautiful✨I hope that he be won’t be your reason for not a walking with me down the isle but even a better reason for you to say yes to two people.. To a woman you have loved from your heart and to a son that changed her and became her beautiful scar⚡I hope you will be willing for us to now continue writing this book that I started alone✍🏾

While this book may have more chapters, I hope you hold this pen when I can’t… I pray that we start more episodes and later release a movie..based on reality😋 while these maybe my dreams…I hope that they are yours too that we may be complete. In my heart there are parts that haven’t been explored because they all left after seeing the scars and didn’t know what was inside. Most people are afraid of broken.. They see broken and run…but I hope for you scars will mean lessons..scars will mean beautiful.. Scars will mean war fought..scars will mean a survived life☺
I hope we embrace this life I have lived✨

I’m beautiful I won’t need affirmation for that..I have scars that are beautiful I also won’t need affirmation for that too..but I will need affirmation that we can be the only ones who live a scar life story〽

Yours
The Illimitable✍🏾

I hope we find each other sooner